Fw: [New post] Choosing Principles or Friends?

--- On Wed, 7/11/12, Restoring Kingdom Builders <donotreply@wordpress.com> wrote: From: Restoring Kingdom Builders <donotreply@wordpress.com> Subject: [New post] Choosing Principles or Friends? To: elijahmutua97@yahoo.com Date: Wednesday, July 11, 2012, 9:44 PM New post on Restoring Kingdom Builders Choosing Principles or Friends? by Jim Meyer Imagine that you have a friend who is married and has two kids. She's been struggling with her marriage, and one day, she tells you that she and her husband have separated. She proceeds to tell you - in great detail - why her husband is 100% to blame for their failed relationship and why she has done everything right ... and nothing wrong. You want to support your friend ... to listen to her pain, and be a safe person, and gently offer her advice ... but you also know that she's responsible for at least some of the problems in her marriage. Here's your dilemma: Do you become so empathetic that you side with her completely?  ("You should never have married him, he's a selfish pig, and you deserve full custody of the children.") Or do you share with her biblical principles of marriage?  ("Marriage is for life, you lack biblical grounds for divorce, and the right counselor could help you both rekindle your old flame.") As a pastor, I actually relished most forms of counseling ... all except marriage counseling.  I discovered that: *I rarely sensed I was getting the real story from either partner until the third or fifth or seventh session ... by which time one or both of them had already quit.    *I couldn't watch their real-life interaction at home (like Jo, the British nanny, did with parent-child situations on TV). *I sometimes suspected that one partner was mostly responsible for the mess ... until I spoke with the other partner.  *I couldn't form an alliance with either one ... I had to be on the side of their marriage instead. Now let's apply these ideas to conflicts at church. *It's hard to get the real story about a conflict at times.  If you talk to the pastor, you'll get one story ... and if you talk to the pastor's detractors, you'll hear another story. It's okay to remain friends with one or both parties during a conflict.  Just realize that if you only hear one side, you've chosen friends over principles ... and when you do that, you've lost all objectivity. *It's unlikely you'll be able to watch any real life interaction between the pastor and his detractors.  Most conflicts happen behind closed doors during board meetings or staff meetings ... or after those meetings in parking lots or corners of the church campus.  Most people - especially church leaders - are on their best behavior in public. Because you can't witness any conflicts yourself, be careful about publicly taking sides just because one party is a better friend than the other.  You can't be 100% certain you know what's happening. *Be careful about blaming everything on one party ... usually the one you like least.  This is a trap. I have been a Los Angeles Lakers fan for almost 50 years.  While I deplore their recent trend toward thuggery, I remain a loyal adherent of the team. Sometimes I'll watch a game, and I'll see a player on the Lakers take an elbow or a punch from an opposing player ... and my first reaction is, "Throw that guy out, ref!" Then the TV people show the replay, and I'll notice that my guy threw the first elbow, or pushed his opponent hard, or was guilty of a flagrant foul ... or flopped unnecessarily. I love my team, but come on ... sometimes both parties are guilty ... although one may bear more responsibility than the other. Wouldn't it be great to have instant replay in church settings? *Instead of backing one party 100%, isn't it better to be on the side of truth and righteousness? So let's say you're in a church, and a conflict breaks out between the pastor and a small group of detractors. Resolve that: *because you don't know the full story, and ... *you can't witness their interactions (or lack thereof) ... *you won't blame the conflict totally on one party, and ... *you will lobby for the truth to emerge and for righteousness to prevail. If someone tries to draft you to be on their side in a conflict, simply state: "I love all the parties involved and wish them well.  But I really don't know the full truth about this conflict, so I'm not going to take sides at this time.  Instead, I will take the side of truth and righteousness, and I will suspend final judgment until I have all the facts." We all want to be loyal companions, but sometimes ... as Jesus reminds us ... we need to risk appearing disloyal to our loved ones so we can be loyal to greater principles. I once witnessed a major conflict involving a pastor where sides were quickly chosen up.  You were either for the pastor or against him ... there was no middle ground.  I did my best to point people to biblical truth during the whole sad situation.  While I had feelings about what was happening, I tried to be an advocate for higher principles ... even though some of my friends wanted me to take their side. Once we choose sides, we want to win ... and we want the other side to lose. There are times when one side is clearly in the wrong and the other is clearly in the right ... but even then, we want to make decisions on the basis of principles, not personalities. How do you feel about this issue?                      Jim Meyer | July 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm | Categories: Uncategorized | URL: http://wp.me/p1dBN6-xm Comment    See all comments Unsubscribe or change your email settings at Manage Subscriptions. Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser: http://blog.restoringkingdombuilders.org/2012/07/11/choosing-principles-or-friends/ Thanks for flying with WordPress.com

ARE YOU BEING FOLLOWED?

Are You Being Followed?

By James Smith

1Th 1:6  “And ye became followers of us, and of the Lord, having received the word in much affliction, with joy of the Holy Ghost:”
A young upstart in the ministry once asked an elder more seasoned minister, "When will I know that I am leader in the Church?"  With that the seasoned minister responded simply, “When you are being followed.”
Leadership in God’s church is not position.  It is not having or being in an office.  Being elected by a group of people neither actually causes you to become their leader.  They may have elected or chosen you to do a job, but that does not mean that you are their leader.  Leadership only happens in the church when you are being followed. 
Jesus’ followers literally followed him through deserts, mountains, and stormy seas.  No obstacle was too great for the opportunity to be near to the master.  Here is where many church leaders find out if they’ve made the grade or not.  One statistic tells us that very often after a building program, many pastors too often leave a church to find another pastorate.  Why is that?  Could it be that the parishioners didn’t like the color of the paint the pastor chose?  Did they not like the way he conducted the business of the project?  Was too much money spent?  Too little accomplished?  Wrong decisions?  Bad decisions?  A leader will know if he is truly a leader if he followed even after a storm.
When Jesus’ followers were in the ship that was being tossed by the waves, they cried out to their leader and he healed the situation they were in.  Here is where an elected person becomes a leader of people.  Knowing what to do in the storm will validate your leadership.  Knowing how to act in a crisis elevates you above your fellow.  Not everybody is capable of making tough decisions.   Only a leader worth following knows when and how to step to the forefront and take charge of a chaotic situation.
Great leaders are not born.  They are not elected.  They are developed.  What made Jesus the greatest leader of people of all time was His desire to sacrifice Himself for the sake of those who followed Him.  People will follow those who are self sacrificing.  They will lean towards those who put the good of the people first and foremost. 
People will never follow a leader who is self-serving for long.  Self-serving leaders are thieves of the people.  They take without giving.  They demand when they themselves offer nothing. 
Are you being followed?  When you look behind you, do you see people who’s lives are being shaped by your example?  Do you see other leaders coming up under your ministry?  Are there people who would follow you anywhere you went?  Would they follow you through a stormy sea or a hot desert experience?  If so, you are truly a leader.  If not, you may need to ask yourself some important questions.
The answer to these questions lay within yourself.  A leader who is not truly being followed can never blame others for not following him.  Nor can he demand them to follow.  People will only follow those they trust.  They will only follow those they respect.  They will not go very far with someone who hurts them or treats them small.  However, they will go to any length and give any amount to someone who has earned their trust, respect and love.
For some leaders this kind of followership happens very quickly.  For others, it takes a lifetime.  The adversities that a congregation goes through and the response of it’s leaders may well be the determining factor here.
Would you follow you?  Think about this for a moment.  What kind of leadership have you followed in the past?  What did you require from those you followed after?  Do you have those same traits?   Do you have a similar character?  Are you being followed?

Fw: [New post] Fingering Church Powerbrokers

--- On Mon, 6/11/12, Restoring Kingdom Builders <donotreply@wordpress.com> wrote: From: Restoring Kingdom Builders <donotreply@wordpress.com> Subject: [New post] Fingering Church Powerbrokers To: elijahmutua97@yahoo.com Date: Monday, June 11, 2012, 9:49 PM New post on Restoring Kingdom Builders Fingering Church Powerbrokers by Jim Meyer My pastor was under attack. He couldn't sleep.  He couldn't study.  His personality turned inward. He was a wreck. Why? Years ago, in my third church staff position, a small group of vocal members began to criticize the church's pastor ... who was also my supervisor. Their main claim?  That he didn't preach often enough, an indication that he was lazy. 35 years ago, many Protestant churches had: *Sunday School *Sunday morning worship *Sunday evening service (with youth group meetings before or after) *Wednesday night prayer meeting That's a lot of teaching time to fill! My pastor's main gift was shepherding - not teaching - so he utilized a team of teachers on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights.  I was happy with the arrangement because I enjoyed hearing others speak ... and because I got to speak once a month as well. I can't recall what set off the grumbling, but many of us started feeling heightened anxiety around the church campus.  One night, someone caught me in the parking lot and told me that 10% of the church was going to leave if the pastor didn't start preaching on Sunday nights. Now what would you do with that information? Some Christians would keep it to themselves. Some would tell family and friends from the church. Some would throw in their lot with the 10%. Honestly, I wasn't sure what to do. I had a friend in the church - a man who went on to become an evangelist - and he and I discussed the situation.  We decided to visit the most influential man in the church ... a layman known for his teaching, integrity, and straight talk. My friend and I sat in his living room and said something like this, "There are people in this church who are attacking the pastor.  They are threatening to leave if he doesn't start preaching on Sunday nights.  The pastor is devastated by this news and seems paralyzed to do anything about the situation.  What can we do to help him?" Looking back, I don't know whether or not this man was supportive of the pastor, but we had to take the risk. He told us, "Gentlemen, when Paul talked about troublemakers in the church, he named names.  Who are these people?" Wait a minute.  If we mention the names, isn't that gossip?  Aren't we tattling?  Couldn't we get in trouble if we said too much about what was happening? And some of those people were our friends.  How could we single out friends like that? But this man was right.  Paul did name names - along with John, the apostle of love: Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith.  Among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme.  1 Timothy 1:19-20 Their teaching will spread like gangrene.  Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus, who have wandered away from the truth.  They say that the resurrection has already taken place, and they destroy the faith of some.  2 Timothy 2:17-18 Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm.  The Lord will repay him for what he has done.  You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message.  2 Timothy 4:14-15 I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us.  So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us.  Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers.  He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.  3 John 9-10 With biblical precedent upholding us, my friend and I divulged the names of the troublemakers we knew about - especially the ringleaders. I learned an important lesson that day.  Sometimes church powerbrokers are successful in making threats and demands because nobody has the courage to identify them by name. Think about this: Last night, my wife and I watched a recently-produced film on Solomon's life.  The film opens with King David near death - but he hadn't yet chosen his successor. So one of David's sons engaged in a pre-emptive attempt to be anointed as king -  in league with David's top general. Their names?  Adonijah and Joab. Not "one of David's sons" - but Adonijah. Not "a high-ranking military officer" - but Joab. They were both executed for committing treason against David's choice for king ... Solomon. One of Jesus' 12 disciples betrayed him. His name?  Judas from Kerioth. Not just "one of the Twelve" - but Judas. Before anyone could finger him, Judas took his own life. Paul wrote in Romans 16:17: I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned.  Keep away from them. If you're in a church, and you hear that someone is plotting against your pastor ... do something about it. Warn the pastor.  If you sense the board is supportive, talk to the board member you know and trust best. Believe me, the pastor and/or board may have no idea of any division inside the ranks.  Your information may give them time to head off an attack before it ever takes place ... or give them a key piece of information they lacked. If you know that an individual or a group is planning on "going after" your pastor, speak to someone in authority - even if the plotters are your friends. Because if you don't, your church will eventually experience months of tension, division, and ugliness.  Friends will separate, donations will plunge, and people will leave. If you know something, tell somebody! Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.  James 4:17 Jim Meyer | June 11, 2012 at 2:49 pm | Categories: Church Conflict, Church Health, Conflict with Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil | URL: http://wp.me/p1dBN6-vL Comment    See all comments Unsubscribe or change your email settings at Manage Subscriptions. Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser: http://blog.restoringkingdombuilders.org/2012/06/11/fingering-church-powerbrokers/ Thanks for flying with WordPress.com