GOD'S WILL ON SEX
1 Thessalonians 4:3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
To be sanctified is to be set apart for something better and divine. In almost every place the term sexual immorality is listed with other evils, those other evils are hurting and no way a person can ever consent to them. This should give us a early hint of those sexual acts nobody can ever consent to as we get deeper into this topic.
LUST, LOVE AND SEXUAL IMMORALITY.
All the believers attention, preaching and proof of holiness in our time in these days is centered on sex and beliefs and discussions around it. Satan picks a lie to delude people and this is his greatest lie of our time.
LUST
Lust is primarily physical:
Lust is mainly focused on physical attraction and sexual desire.
Lust fade as the initial physical attraction diminishes.
Lust suspends logic and may not care about respect for the other person, their rights, future or well being. A person guided by lust can easily commit sexual offenses against the law of the land.
Lust actually does not care about love, consent and the other goals/objectives of being together - in the church, organization or community.
Lust is not ready to accept responsibility of its outcomes.
LOVE
Love involves emotional connection.
It is typically characterized by a deeper emotional bond, a sense of caring, and a desire for the other person's happiness and well-being.
Love knows the goals/objectives of the church, organization, other people and community. It acts with that in mind.
Love is willing to come to the open and accept responsibility when that becomes necessary.
SEXUAL IMMORALITY
It is good noting that in the ancient times, mostly, the governments of the day had same moral regulations with religious beliefs of the day. So the government and the religion of the day would be speaking with the same understanding on morality. That's not so today. In some cases the religion of our time, the government and traditional customs and beliefs are not on the same page, paragraph, sentence and word on this.
The mainly held belief on immorality especially by Christians is:
Premarital sex: Sexual activity before marriage.
Adultery: Sexual relations with someone other than one's spouse.
Homosexuality: Sexual relations between people of the same sex.
Prostitution: The exchange of sexual acts for money or other compensation.
Other deviant or harmful sexual acts: Includes acts involving violence, exploitation, or harm to oneself or others.
Let it be noted quickly that there are so many Christians who have not even done any of that but are still "dying" in shame and guilt and feel they are heading to hell because someone touched their knee, or hand, or thigh or back or breast or toes or neck or head, or front or or hugged or kissed or called on phone, or texted or dreamed or greeted or thought of..., etc. The problem is, you are sure to fall in this again. Not only are these believers guilt, they are grounded. They can no longer chase their dreams in this life, no longer goes to church, no longer serve in church. "what for, and I have lost it all, I am going to hell?" they reason.
Two best ways to understand immorality is:
1. The laws of the land.
- Premarital sex has been upheld from ancient times and it is a loving way to allow children to grow. The twist is that they were considered adults from around 15 and the one not married by 18 was late. No wonder governments are silent when one is over 18 perhaps the highest age considered a child is 21. Most governments have upheld the loving protection of children by declaring that it's criminal to have sex with children.
- From there, the governments have used the criteria of love and consideration to define what is immoral - everything not consensual and harms the other is considered immoral/illegal. eg
Rape, attempted rape, sexual assault, defilement, sexual harassment, and various offenses related to child sexual abuse. Deliberate transmission of HIV or other STDs etc. Notice no love or consent in all that.
2. Consequences
Uncontrolled sexual behaviors can easily lead to HIV infection and sexually transmitted infections.
- It can lead to unintended pregnancy
- It can lead to social conflicts and unstable societies.
Relationship Problems:
- Compulsive sexual behavior can strain relationships with partners, family, and friends, leading to feelings of betrayal, distrust, and emotional distress.
Mental Health Issues:
- Individuals struggling with uncontrolled sexual behavior may experience anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, and low self-esteem.
Work and Financial Issues:
- Inability to focus on work, neglecting work responsibilities, and spending excessive money on sexual activities can negatively impact job performance and finances.
- If you are working for church or a religious organization, most of them will kick you out on these reports or confirmation of them.
Legal Troubles:
- Engaging in certain sexual activities, especially those involving minors or coercion, can lead to legal consequences, including arrest and imprisonment.
- Remember you can start well with a person, then they turn against you, even collect evidence that they had not consented and many other accusations. They may falsely blame you for disease, pregnancy etc. That's why God's ideal is the best.
Emotional Costs:
- The cycle of compulsive sexual behavior can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, hopelessness, and a sense of loss of control.
Substance Abuse:
- Individuals with compulsive sexual behavior may turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with negative emotions or urges, creating a dual addiction problems
Mental Health Conditions:
- In some cases, compulsive sexual behavior may be associated with other mental health conditions, such as bipolar disorder or personality disorders - especially when there is a disconnect between what you deeply believe and what you do.
The connection that leads to sex where both parties have consented, are ok, free, happy and guinely enthusiastic about it, and they truly love, no guilt no shame and they know it's not leading to marriage; is so rare and almost impossible that; even if people are made to understand God's directions and prohibitions are for their good and that if they have done a deep inner search He leaves it up to them to make the final decision, a person will still have no such partners or if they do not as many as culture and tradition fear.
CONSIDER:
1. MOTIVATION
- Reflect on why you want to engage in this sex with this person. Is it something you truly desire with this person and he she desires with you or are you feeling pressured by peers or societal expectations? Why does he/she want it and not a marriage union ( if both are not married). If married why do they want to appear this loving and kind and and are they the same way with their partners? If they truly are, they may probably not be here. If they blame the partner, what loving efforts have they made to set things right. Are they willing to take the responsibilities of possible outcomes of this act - a child, divorce, disease, job loss etc?
COMFORT LEVEL:
Consider your comfort with the idea of sex with this person. What if you develop emotional detachment with your real partner? (Do you genuinely love your real partner and what will your explanation be for the detachment)?
- Will you be able to handle the possibility of multiple partners who wants you to feel equal connection for them?
EMOTIONAL READINESS
- Reflect on whether you can handle the potential emotional fallout of with this partner. - How will you handle feelings of hurt, loneliness or regret when at home nobody has hurt you? What will be your explanations?
PARTNER CONSIDERATIONS
- Being on the same level of understanding on what you are into, the limits, expectations and how far you are willing to go.
-Consent
Ensure that all parties involved are giving enthusiastic and freely given consent.
- Open Communication
Have honest and open conversations with your partner about expectations, boundaries, and comfort levels before engaging in any sexual activity. How you will handle possible outcomes etc
Safety
-Discuss and agree on safe sex practices, including contraception and STD testing, to minimize risks.
Honesty
- Be honest with yourself and your partner about your intentions and expectations.
Emotional Impact
This sex can lead to emotional entanglement, even when it's not intended. Be prepared for the possibility of developing feelings or experiencing heartbreak.
HIV/STI Risk
Engaging in this sex increases the risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV.
Reputation
This sex can impact your reputation, especially if you're not discreet or if you engage in multiple encounters with different people.
There has been cultural, traditional and religious tendencies to restrict sexual expression and other acts that show some special closeness yet people always engage in them secretly and in great fear.
Society must by now mature to see that some level of it happens, even expected (mostly not sex itself).
So many believers are truly born again and love God and other people but the so many beliefs, traditions and struggle, not even of sex itself but "closely connected thoughts or action have kept them in guilt and shame and away from God's work of transforming the world by going out in strength and power to address acts not motivated by love, eg the injustice and oppression in this world.
Paul by a bold declaration says that Faith in Jesus and a walk of love is what guarantees heaven. And many, especially those in power - leadership, influence, money and wealth are not walking in love and many others don't know God as savior. We need to work on that.
Romans 10:9 If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Romans 10:10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.
Romans 13:9 The commandments, "You shall not commit adultery," "You shall not murder," "You shall not steal," "You shall not covet," and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Romans 13:10 Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
Galatians 5:14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
LOVE should be the better thing, the better topic to occupy us all day, our message and main concern in this world.
1 Thessalonians 4:9 Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.
1 Thessalonians 4:10 And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more,
1 Thessalonians 4:3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
1 Thessalonians 4:4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable,
1 Thessalonians 4:5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;
1 Thessalonians 4:6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.
1 Thessalonians 4:7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
1 Thessalonians 4:8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.
